Million Miles

I'd love to make you mine

'Cause it's the only way to hold you

In my wild imagination

Still I don't know how

To grab a chance and spend some time in just

A simple conversation



Just give it a try

Though I'm not chasing rainbows in the sky

I wanna hold you in my dreams

And make believe that it's true

Although I know, I know

That it's impossible to do

'Cause you're a star

People love you as you are

You're a million miles away from me



Wish that you were here

'Cause it's illusions everytime you're close to me

And sing me love songs

And it's the only way

I could tell the world I love you

Although you're a million miles away



Just give it a try

Though I'm not chasing rainbows in the sky

I wanna hold you in my dreams

And make believe that it's true

Although I know, I know

That it's impossible to do

'Cause you're a star

You're a star

You're a star

You're a million miles away from me

Sa wakas!!!

It’s been a while since I post here. Grabe na miss ko ito, buti na lang at walang firewall ngaun…..so talagang takas lang ito. Sa lumipas na panahon mula nang ako ay nakapagpost, marami ng nangyari sa buhay ko, not that life changing but I learned a lot from the things that I trouble myself with before but at least now I know what things I need to give priorities with. Let us just say that things happens that made me stronger and a better person in those 2 months that passed. I miss this kind of thing, siguro kahit may firewall na I will just keep on writing na lang……..until next tym.

RELAX

Di ko na mabilang kung pang ilang attempt ko na itong post na ito, laging di natatapos ang aking pagsusulat, I am always getting pre-occupied by some other worthless things. Well just have to focus more on the things that really matter.


Habang idle ako ngaun sa chat eh naisipan ko munang mag sulat. This day is supposed to be a day that I always dream about, a day to see the fruits of a long hard labor, even if I know that this could really give me so much joy and happiness, I think I would pass the opportunity and continue living with my life even if a big part of it is a lie.


Again I don’t want to think of it that much, I am liking the way my brains work now since it seems to not mind the things that I have already decided, now I am sure that I still has control of my brain, at least the sane part of it. It is a nice feeling to not think of all the things that bother that much, I am getting my peace of mind little by little.


I don’t want to say anything further now, just want to relax that is why I wrote this. There is another one that I met but I don’t know what could come up with this, we are still in the “getting to know” stage eh kahit di na un uso hehehe, ill know sooner or later, ill just keep you posted.

Argue

For a change I would like my post to have something that can leave some kind of a message to my readers (if anyone really reads it), probably a message or a lesson that I learned that I just want to share to all. In case that any of my previous posts have done a good thing on anyone who reads it, thank you for understanding whatever it is that I am expressing here, at least I know that there is still sense in me somehow.


Well I don’t know where to start, basically the usual, write about whatever it is that comes in my mind while doing this. Nice song playing now, “Leaving You” by Session Road. This is what I usually do whenever I want to unwind or relax, listen to music, whatever kind or type, just as long as it soothes me and lightens my mood. Music together with my pack of cigarette has been a great remedy for me every time I have nothing else to do or to talk to. They are with me on my ups and down, when no one else is around. We all have our own way in handling ourselves; this is how I handle mine.


Aside from writing this now, listening to songs and smoking, I am also forwarding text messages to my friends now, just the usual deal, I don’t want them to miss me eh. Some friends are also texting me now, exchanging gossips, exchanging thoughts, arguing, this is also a way for me to relax. You may think that it is weird but there is something about debating or arguing that releases my tension (though it adds more most of the time) it is like a mind exercise for me like solving crossword puzzles and the like.


Isn’t it nice to have someone to talk to about anything? There will be no dull moment if you know someone that you can challenge to fight over what he/she believes in, someone who just doesn’t agree to whatever you say just to flatter you or anything, someone who can defend at what they believe in. Just remember to have an open mind all the time to whatever the other party is sharing, you can never tell if you’ve just been blinded by what you believe in. There is nothing wrong if that happened, that is the good thing about arguments, you can never tell which is wrong or right since all of what we believe though a lot came from all the years of studying are really based on what we have experienced in life. That is the beauty of living, you learn something new all the time, though one can’t see it initially at times, it will learn its way through our hearts and mind eventually.


For whatever reason I can’t seem to formulate any other thing to talk about for now. It seems that I failed in leaving something new to you but I hope that you have an open mind to let me try again next time when I fees like it again. Ciao for now and always try to make the best out of whatever shit you are in.

NEW ONE

A start of a new month, hopefully this one is better than the other months specially July. I have nothing against July, in fact I love it since that is my birth month but there just some not so good things that happened that I am still feeling its effects on me. Where will I start? Do I want to talk about it again? I guess I do, I just need to breathe out these feelings that I have now.


First thing that concerns me is the health of the people that are close to me, to my hearth and the people who are also close to them. So this includes my family and my friends and also to their family members. No matter how hard a persons problem is, if it is not anything about health then I think that person is still lucky, he could easily overcome any trials if he/she feels well right?


Next thing is about money. I know I have a job but it doesn’t rally pay that well, but still okay I guess, it’s just that what I am doing for the work and the title perhaps of my job shouldn’t be mine if you look at my payslip on the 10th or the 25th. Don’t want to talk about it that much, ill just try to perform better to have at least a change on this situation. Ill also try to spend my little money wiser unless of course necessary like for medicines, etc…haaay….


Next one is about love. Nothing grand about this, let me just say this, love grows and fade if there is no effort done to make it last. Just that statement and perhaps this one also, no matter how difficult and painful it is, the happiness it brings can’t be compared to anything.


Probably the last thing that I have in mind to pay attention more is the way I trust other people or should I say the way I allow them easily to get into my life. Though it seems that there is nothing wrong with this, it is that sometimes I can’t bear the abuse and the betrayal of some that I thought was real to me. I know these are hard words to say, even I can’t really say that I was treated that way, but that is what I felt.


I’m not sure about what really happened, I just found out one day that my friends that I thought and considered family doesn’t really trust me that much. I am not sure what made them think that way, it just really saddens me. The fact that I treated them so close and dear to me in the short time that we are together seems not enough. I understand them in a way, you can’t easily trust someone no matter how strong the bond is, you just really need to depend and trust yourself in the end.


If ever they are reading this, obviously I don’t feel good about what I heard but I totally understand where you are coming from, I just hoped that I would be able to earn that trust. On my part, nothing as changed, love you all still and whatever happens, just remember that I am here.


What a past 7 months it has been, I am hoping that the rest of the year can give me a better chance at living this fantastic thing called life.

Birth

The past few days has been a blast, I turned a year older and eventually stronger and wiser. It has been one of those memorable birthdays that even there is not much of food and drinks, I felt loved. Even if not all my friends remember to greet me, it’s still okay and I understand them, it is not the end of anything between us anyway. But for those who remembered me on that day, my heart felt thank you.


There was something about birthdays that I only realized now, it brings me sadness, a sadness that I never felt before. There really was no excitement on my part, probably because of the things that I am experiencing, with all the problems and all. It made me think of the things that never really happened to me. It is not regret or anything since I really have no way to change the situation before, what I am saying is about my father, what if he never left us. This is the question or should I say the thought that was on my head days before the day of my birth.


As far as I recall, this is one of the few times that I ever thought of that, what if we are complete? I know that it never really is a big deal if we are or we are not since I never really considered myself unlucky or anything without a father guiding me while growing up, it is just that the thought of having someone to help you with tough times is really a relief. It would be nice to know that you are not the only one that will have to sacrifice a lot for your family, nice to know that there is another person that could handle your load when you have nothing else to give. A lot of things could have changed in my life, my mom’s life and all that is close to us if only we are complete, if my dad became responsible enough for his actions, but I will never know.


I will give this thought a rest for now. I wanted to know all the answers to all my questions about this but I think time can only let me be at peace with this. Still I believe that no matter what happens, it is for a reason, I will prevail, I will be victorious. With the help of my limited family and to all my friends, and of course the highest being of all, I know I can make it, we can all make it. I just like to thank you all again and you God for this life and please more years to come….

OTHER

After all the things that happened, after all the things that I thought I realized, I never thought that I will still have this feelings for you, it just became stronger. I don’t know why, even if I am so mad at you for the things that you do and the things that you don’t do, I fell deeper within you. Even if I despise your attitude of being so insensitive, inconsiderate and ungrateful about what I feel, still I love you more. It sickens me to feel this way, but I guess it is just really out of my control, just like when I first felt this feeling towards you, but I guess this is the right time to take matters into my own hands. I know I’ve been unfair and all, but common, you did your part as well, it always takes two to tango and everything has it end.


This is not the first time that we said our goodbyes, but let as make this the last one, for the better. You don’t know me at all, you just have a glimpse me, just a part of the real me, the side of me that I only let you see, the side that I know that you will like, the side that I know that you will love. It is not that I am totally different person from the way you know me, but what I am saying is that if you would know the real me, then maybe there is no us, definitely. The irony of this is that I’ve never been this honest to anyone else and to myself before until now, now that I let that side of me known. But I guess we just both didn’t see the truthfulness in each other even after everything that we’ve been through. We always wanted more and always have our guards up to hide the real us. We never got contented with what we have, with what we could give each other, we keep on asking for more, we always want to exceed our limits. The problem with this is the pressure that we put on each other, no matter how hard I try to adhere with what you want, there is just so much that I can give, just like you.


To be honest, I really don’t know if you’ve been true to all that you said to me. It doesn’t really matter now. I’ll just let myself believe that you did care, that you really did love me. But there is still this side of me that really want to know what you really felt, so I guess if you would be able to read this, just let me know.


I don’t want to prolong this anymore. I just want to let my feelings free, be heard at least, I’ve been lost all this time, in this part of my journey I failed to be in control. I even didn’t recognize myself anymore and it even came to the point that I don’t even know me anymore. This is probably the best time to retreat, not because I didn’t win this battle but I think it is best to let me be me. I want to be familiar with the things that I am really capable off, I want to know the new and improved me. As I always say, no regrets, so thank you for bringing things that I never knew I have, thanks for everything and I hope you all the best in life. I promise with the beer on my hand now and the cigarette I put down on the ash tray, I will always be here, still more than a friend.

Truth

Its been a while since my last post, MIS kc sa opis eh pati ba naman ito kelangang I blocked, mali na ito. Anyway I don’t want to talk about that further, baka lang makapatay ako (joke). The past few days ay masaya nman, I naka complete ako ng 1 week na pasok sa opis at may WORD pa…nawawala na onti ang katamaran ko, kahit papaano bumabalik na rin ang masaya kong paguugali at ang smile sa mga labi ko…. Hindi naman sa nawala cya or anything pero ngaun kasi di kagaya nung dati na sobrang sad lagi itsura ko, gulo gulo ng isip ko at sobrang tulala ako, ngaun though wala namang masyadong nagbago pa sa status ng mg problems, at least medyo kaya na, just live with it ikaw nga...go for the gold hehehe.


Ngayon naman may naisip lang ako, when is the best time to say no or when to say its over? Para sa akin napaka hirap kasi sabihin yang mga salitang yan. Aside from the fact na makakasakit ka ng damdamin, di ko lang talaga ugali mag turn down ng tao. Parang napaka bait ko noh, pero ganito lang talaga me. Siguro dahil alam ko lang ang pakiramdam ng nadidisapoint. Pero cyempre kahit gaano pa ka busilak ang loob ko eh dapat mag set din ako ng limit, I need to know when to draw the line. Kahit sa mga simpleng bagay lang like sa mga taong hingi ng hingi yosi, fud, utos, etc para di naman sila umabuso. Pero yan ay para sa mga simpleng bagay lang, sa mga ganoong pagkakataon madali dali pa ang humindi, pero paano na sa isang relasyon?


Paano pag ikaw ay with someone, first few months ay okay, expected kasi simula eh, but eventually dami ng nagbago. Given the fact na pareho kayong may work, have your own responsibilities sama mo na ang pera matters, is this reason enough na di kayo mag meet madalas? Okay lang sana eh, at least naiinitindihan ko, pero sana naman may mkitang effort diba. Kaso kadalasan wala eh. Ang ibig sabihin ko is din a nga kayo nagkikita eh bihira pa kayo mag kausap, kahit sa text, chat, email or whatever. Sasabihing busy sa work, sira ang cell, etc. daming rason. Napagusapan na naman ito before, na talagang hook siya sa work nya, bibo eh pero sana naman diba….sana lang kahit papaano ay makapaiwan cya ng mail sayo kahit isa lang saying na nasa office na siya or something…ewan ko ba…ngaun naman pareho na nga ng sked, chat kayo ganyan, pero naman 10 years kung sumagot and of course dahil sa busy sa work…. Ewan ko kung nagkakahiyaan lang kami kaya di kami makakalas or naghihintayan lang kami na talagang may mag open sa tunay na ngyayari. Aminado ako, mahal ko pa rin naman cya pero aanhin ko un kung ganito lang diba, it may just be not enough.


Continuing about that, marahil dahil na rin sa ganyang pangyayari kaya siguro di maiwasan na makakita ng iba. Sadya man o hindi ang nangyari, nagawa ko na, masaya naman at kahit papaano ay okay naman ang mga naganap. Wala akong pinasisihan, I know I am unfair to just think about my own happiness but I think I deserve that. If ever malaman nya yan, la ako pagsisishan, aaminin ko, din a kelangang i-deny. Parang hinihintay ko pa nga yang time na i confront nya ako, alam ko feel na nya na nagbago ako, sana lang gumawa cya ng paraan kung talagang gus2 pa nya, as of my part, I did try my best pa, napagod lang me.Whatever may happen sana naman maging okay, im juts waiting for the right time para ma ayos ito. Sorry sa iyo kung nagging ganito ako, kasalanan ko rin naman. Just remember na I will always love you………